I had a plan for this year. I promised myself that I was going to devote 2020 to experiences – get out more, do things that previously I hadn’t been able to afford or hadn’t been healthy enough to do. I was even off to a fairly strong start – in January, I organized a big group dinner outing with friends, February I went to my first Paint Night, and I went to a concert in early March with my husband and my parents.
And then, there was a pandemic and I’ve spent the last six weeks either at home, at work, or very very occasionally at the grocery store. Even as someone who falls on the side of pretty extreme introversion, it’s been trying. There’s a lot of things about the time before COVID19 that I miss, but shopping – and I mean shopping for fun – has got to be one of the things I miss the most.
I fully admit that retail therapy is one of my greatest vices, and even though I don’t need anything (and yes, I understand how lucky I am to be in that position), I’m finding myself craving the endorphin rush from … getting something just because I want it.
I had initially hoped to alleviate some of that (as well as some of my chronic back and neck pain), by ordering a swank new chair for my desk from Amazon. Of course, being a non-critical item, it’s not going to be here for at least another week, but I’m still really looking forward to a whole bunch of comfier gaming time in my future.
But I’m still struggling, and I hate that I’m struggling when really, things here haven’t been all that rough.
After giving it an absurd amount of thought, I’ve decided to allot myself $100 in Stay-At-Home gaming spending outside of all my other parameters, with an intention to primarily purchase games from more independent developers. For me, that’s a win-win – I get to shop, and I get to feel good about how I’m spending my money because I’m supporting creators and not corporations.
I had to remind myself that this was a challenge I set myself, and the parameters I was anticipating for the challenge have changed drastically, and changing my plans to accommodate that isn’t a failure. Besides, it’s not like it’s the first time I’ve changed the rules; and it probably won’t be the last.
If you stayed with me this far, you’re probably wondering where I’m going to toss some of that money, right?
Well, first off, I want to buy a couple of games to support the Sokpop Video Game Collective. I’m definitely going to grab Simmiland and Sproots. Simmiland has been on my wishlist for awhile (a god game that’s also a card game? Brilliant!), and Sproots looks too adorable to pass up. I could use more adorable in my life right now.
I’m also going to pick up Eastshade, even though I fully expect it to be featured in a Humble Choice sooner or later, because the current sale and the concept of just exploring a peaceful and beautiful world are both calling to me.
The catch is this – I’m not going to let these games just hang out in my library. I’m going to buy them, and within the next few weeks, I am going to play them. It sounds mad, I know, but I think I can do it. Maybe this will be the beginning of a new way of treating myself to the occasional “non-essential” purchase – if I want to buy it, I will make it a point to actually enjoy it for longer than it takes to click the add to cart button.
Nerd Girl Thoughts 
You’re certainly not alone. This pandemic threw a wrench in some plans I had as well. My goal this year was to really work on social anxiety stuff, be more pro-active in organizing gatherings / whatever with friends, meeting new people, etc. That has been… postponed. 🙂
I like your idea of alotting yourself X dollars for the games. We all need to be kind to ourselves right now.
Hope you enjoy the games, and maybe I’ll get to read about it here. 🙂
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I’ve made it a point this past year to allot myself a certain amount of my check to budget for “whatever” expenses, so that I stop feeling guilty for purchasing myself things. My whatever budget can go towards eating out, it can get me a comic I’ve been eyeing, or it can get me a nifty cosmetic thing for a game (or a game), etc. And it’s definitely helped me to get the endorphin rush without feeling guilty. And for what it’s worth, it’s helped me to use whatever I purchased, as well.
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This was really one of the big motivating factors for me – I have so many games I’ve never even installed, why do I need to buy more? I guess I’ve learned a little about myself because obviously, those games I haven’t played? It’s because they’re not the right game for me right now, and having a large library shouldn’t stop me from getting to play the games I *do* want to play. There’s been a lot of braining going on around this whole thing.
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I can so relate. 2020 was my year to get offline and go see things in reality. It was all going so well then… pandemic. Here I am online again, but it’s good to have a community to connect with 🙂
Eastshade is also high up on my to get list. Soon!
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